What Now
by rora908
Summary: mostly around sean emma and jay... with some other stuff...spoilers involved... please review
1. Chapter 1

What Now?

Chapter1

Jay is sitting in MI his last class of the day since he will be ditching after lunch. If he were paying attention he would notice Mr. Simpson giving him odd looks…but he's not.

GodFuckingDamnIt how could I have screwed shit up so royally? Jimmy's practically crippled, Spins on my back, Alex isn't talking to me, Sean's gone, and Emma well…Emma's…she's just broken. Oh yea and who can forget I have gonorrhea. Well not anymore, but try explaining that to Alex or anybody else who got a bracelet and a sore throat among other things…Its not like I did it on fucking purpose, or like its not relatively easily treated. But whatever, its not like any of this shit means anything (except that I am gonna be springing more money on condoms, which may not even matter now that Alex is out of the picture)… God I can't wait till later, beer and relaxation… that's gonna be my whole night.

* * *

Curled up under the covers, Emma Nelson is trying to disappear. Newly gonorrhea free but dead inside, today she played sick to stay home…well its not really playing if you feel like your dying is it? Her mom and Snake weren't hard to fool, Snake won't look at her let alone come near her, and her mom has been treating her gently as if afraid Emma would break. Right after coming back from the health clinic her mom had tried to talk with her, head on like they usually did…tried and failed…something was different now, maybe her mom sensed it or maybe spike was just tired. Either way it hadn't come up again. 

So now here is Emma Nelson, hiding beneath her covers from monsters she can't see. She's not crying… not even close, she's just cold and empty…wandering back and forth over her last conversation with Jay.

"Look I never told Alex about you Emma. I liked how you had virtue…, or whatever."

Looking back in to his eyes Emma told him the truth as she knew it to be, then more than ever.

"I don't… Not any of that."

"Come on, who are you trying to fool? Everybody knows! Everybody knows about the real you. Just-"

The last part was what Emma kept thinking about, she wished it were true…or at least she wished that she wished it, that she cared...about that, or anything.

She needed to see him, find out if he meant it…and she needed to look good when she did. At least now she would have something to focus on…looking as good as possible.

* * *

Jay was not having a good time. The night was not turning out how he had hoped… His beer was warm, and he was stuck wearing his sunglasses to cover what was sure to be a black eye thanks to Alex. She could hit hard when she wanted and she was tough…she had to be she had a tough life, he knew that… that's part of the reason he liked her so much, they had a lot in common and she was strong. And now he was stuck drinking a warm beer, and trying not to look as some loser who graduated 2 years ago practically fucked her up against that tree. He couldn't take it anymore he had to talk to her. He stood up and walked towards them. But before he even got halfway Alex looked up, one look and Jay knew there was nothing he could do. Alex was a big girl she made her own choices, same as him. Hell he had his own beer at home, fresh from the fridge. He didn't need this shit. So he just turned and walked away.

* * *

"Get The Fuck Off Me." 

"Huh???" the moron actually looked confused.

"You heard me, I said get off!"

But as Alex started to walk away the guy grabbed her, and tried to say something. It didn't matter she didn't even blink, just turned around and kneed him right in the crotch, then kept on going. She grabbed a beer and took a seat by the fire. She almost felt sorry for him that look he gave her, and the black eye… she wanted it to go away be taken back she liked things the way they were… but now, now all she wanted was to get really drunk. That's when she noticed someone out of the corner of her eye.

What the fuck is Emma Nelson, Miss Cause Girl herself doing here?!? She wondered. She watched her for a minute… she seemed to know her way around, was even talking to a few people.

She must be more fucked up than I thought; maybe we have something in common… now that I think about it Emma has been different. Not hanging out with her old friends, not really hanging out with anyone, and her clothing had changed. Maybe there was more to the girl than she thought…who knows she has to be better than Amy right? How long has she been coming here?

Alex turned to the couple next to her and nudged um. They looked up, but seemed pretty pissed until they saw it was Alex.

"Hey Alex, what's up?"

"Nothing, look I was just wondering, you see that girl over there?"

"The blonde, yea what about her"

"You know anything about her?"

"Only that she comes here every night, usually only hangs with Jay though."

"Jay?"

"Yea, sorry bout you guys by the way."

The guy waited for Alex to say something else, but after a few seconds he decided he had waited long enough, and went back to making out.

The look on Jays face before, and the sound her fist made hitting his face suddenly became priceless to Alex, as was what she planned to do to Emma.

Tomorrow was going to be interesting.

* * *

As Emma walked home she began to cry… Jay wasn't even there! She just wanted to be close to someone… have someone tell her they cared about her, even if it was just a lie… She was scared of how tempted she was to give in to that guy at the ravine tonight… he had seemed nice, cute enough…and with Jay not there…she just couldn't though. She was just so angry at herself…look at her clothes, she was such a moron. She wanted to smash something, break it into a thousand pieces. 

Emma calm down think rationally, she told herself. I mean you just went from intense sadness to anger in like 10 seconds… you're just freaking out. Everything's not so bad, you just need some sleep, and tomorrow everything will be better. Its gotta be. So Emma crawled into her basement and fell into a state of fitful dreaming.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

What Now

Chapter 2

"Emma can you stay for a moment, I need to speak to you"

"But I have class and I really can't be late for third period again."

"It won't take long and I can write you a pass." Emma's disappointment is obvious but there is nothing else she can really do. Mr. Armstrong shut the door and led Emma over to desk and asked her to take a seat, so now she was forced to look up to even see him.

"Emma I don't know how else to say this so I am just going to say it. I'm worried about you, and it's not just me a lot of your teachers are. Your grades are dropping, you barely hand in any work and you seem… I don't know, not like you."

"I watched a boy get shot and die right in front of me, I had a gun pointed in my face." Unfortunately Emma's attempt to shock Mr. Armstrong into quiet had no such effect.

"I know that Emma, and I can't possibly begin to understand what that was like for you… that's part of the reason that this talk took so long in coming. I'm still here if you need to talk, about anything; but your period of grace is quickly coming to an end."

"I understand, I will try harder." It wasn't a promise it was a statement, an empty statement. That much even Armstrong could tell. He could also tell that this wasn't helping solve anything.

"Please try to, you were always such a good student…I would hate to lose you, we all would." Armstrong waited for an answer…an acknowledgment…anything at all. When nothing came he just sent Emma on her way hoping that he had gotten through.

Normally Emma would be annoyed, angry, and maybe even a little ashamed. But the truth was she really didn't feel much of anything these days… It wasn't poetic or meaningful or anything, it just was, she was empty. The truth is that, that's not entirely true, she did feel disappointed. Her trump card wasn't working anymore…just mentioning the shooting no longer evoked any real desirable response from people. Just another thing she couldn't count on.

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Manny had spent practically the whole period paying attention, and she really couldn't take it anymore. Even Liberty looked bored and that's saying something. Is it any wonder they started passing notes, especially with so much going on in their lives at the moment.

Liberty, are we still all going to the dot after school? Cause if we are I really think we should invite Emma, I am getting really worried about her.

Yea I know what you mean, I've seen her grades and there really declining, but I am not sure if she would even want to come. Plus I'm still a little annoyed over that stunt she pulled with Chris.

Come on, she made a mistake, we all have…besides what does it matter now that JT and you have FINALLY gotten together. I think she could really use some friends right now. But hey Wait a Sec! How do you know Emma's grades???

Well sometimes I take a small look at the grade books, just you know for my own grades, and sometimes I might see someone else's…like Emma. And, Yea, I guess your right; now that I have JT everything's fine…I am so happy for us, you with Spin, me and JT. It's just to perfect! (Sorry I am gushing). How is the notorious Stix doing anyways?

OOOO Liberty bad girl lol… yea I know I am happy to… and Spins fine… I am a little worried though, he seems kind of jittery and nervous…I hope it's not me.

I'm sure its not. With everything that's went on with the shooting…everyone is…I mean Jimmy's in a wheelchair, it's a wonder Spins doing as well as he is.

Yea I guess your right, I'm just being paranoid. So it's settled we're inviting Emma right?

"Girls would you mind paying attention for a while, or is that too difficult???....That's what I thought!"

All Liberty had time to do was nod to Manny before going back to work.

* * *

Nobody had any idea it was Alex who had told…I doubt people would have believed it anyway, she wasn't particularly catty, more violent than anything. More prone to confrontation then sneakiness… but whatever the details didn't matter. All anybody really knew was that someone, a reliable source that is, (everyone swore it was their friend), had seen Emma Nelson down at the ravine last night getting drunk and going down on at least two guys who she didn't even know. The rest was added on as it went along. How far she had fallen…what a shame. Some didn't believe, more didn't care, but most people could tell it was the truth and latched onto it as such.

* * *

Shop is usually the one class I don't mind showing up for… but today… I'm really glad it's almost over. Drinking all night never seems like such a good idea the day after… today is no different. Woke up this morning passed out on the floor… at least it was in my own apartment. Good thing my mom was staying at her new boyfriends place. The good news is my eye isn't as bad as I thought it would be, and Towerz is taking over my share of the work today, so I don't have to worry about messing anything up. Finally class over…for a while there I thought the clock must be going backwards.

Jay had been walking through a haze all day…a place filled with bright lights and loud noises…not a lot was coming in clear. Or at least it wasn't until he heard some of his boys laughing about Emma Nelson.

"Yeah, apparently Nelson was so fucked up she went down on Milez while getting fucked by some other loser."

"I always knew a girl wound that tight would have to snap eventually."

"I'm just sorry I wasn't there to see her break…I could a given her a helluva better time than Milez ever could."

"Well from what I hear you could still have a turn… I mean I'm not interested… but she has gotten hot."

Meanwhile Jay was staring… what the fuck was going on!!!

"Jay, you ever have some of Nelson? You guys always had a fiery relationship…something you're not telling us?" Both boys broke out laughing.

Jay turned around like he was going to walk away, but instead turned back and smashed Kev up against the lockers.

"Who did you hear this shit from?"

"Look dude, calm down… I don't know everyone knows about it…just calm down."

Jay punched the locker next to Kevin's head hard enough to dent it, turned and walked away.

* * *

Bored as hell. The truth is I'm bout ready to go back. I mean being home at Wasaga Beach has been really good, for a while there I think it was where I needed to be…but I think I've gotten all I can out of it, and I…I…miss shit. I know I'm not over the whole Rick thing, I don't think I ever will be. But I'm ready to leave now, get back to my life. Or whatever. This time though I'm ready to leave on good terms….Maybe I could use another week here though…not like I'm nervous to go back…see people… just could use a while longer with my parents.

* * *

"God Ash, I know I shouldn't but I still miss him so much…the apartment seems so empty…"

"El, your better off… I promise…and about the apartment… how bout this weekend I stay over. We can eat ice cream, watch movies… a total girl's night."

"What about Craig?"

"What about him? You need me right now, and Joey needs his help this weekend any way. Just say yes, we have both been under a lot of stress lately…we could both use a break…… well??????

Ellie looks at Ashley and smiles "I guess I don't have a choice then…ok"

* * *

I'm going on vacation for break and won't have internet access so there won't be any posts for a while….but I will continue to write the story and when I come back type it all up so you can expect a lot at once. Thanks!!! 


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